The Unspoken Truth: Navigating Dating as a Black Woman in a Predominantly Gay City

Example of me, vomiting at the level of disrespect 

For years, I’ve identified myself as a single, hetero black woman, and while the label “single” often carries connotations of loneliness, that’s not my reality. I’m not lonely. I’m fiercely independent and content in my own company. However, the truth is, I’m not dating, and it’s because the dating landscape, particularly in my predominantly gay city, is toxic and frankly, terrifying. This isn't just about being single; it's about survival.

My experiences haven't been the fairytale many envision. Instead of finding respectful partners, I've encountered a disturbing pattern of unsanitary, abusive men who prioritize other women over me. These aren't just casual encounters; these are men who actively choose to betray my trust and engage in behavior that is both emotionally and potentially physically damaging.

Another example of a man that identifies at straight, that made a pass at me, claiming to be single, in bed with two bisexual women behind my back on purpose and all three downlow gays are planning to bully me relentlessly after their kinky sexual escapades

The betrayal often stems from their relationships with women I don't even know. These women, fueled by an inexplicable hatred, spread vicious lies about me, calling me degrading names like "tard." The cruelty is relentless, and the worst part? These are the same women who, for some reason, seem to have the favor of the men I encounter. It's a baffling cycle of betrayal and abuse that leaves me feeling utterly disgusted and unsafe.

This isn't a new phenomenon. The same bullies who tormented me 15 years ago continue their harassment today. They’ve found ways to infiltrate every aspect of my life, making it nearly impossible to escape their reach. The constant barrage of negativity and disrespect has created a deep-seated fear and distrust. It’s a constant battle against insidious forces that aim to diminish my self-worth.

But here’s the thing: I refuse to be broken. I respect myself, and I will not tolerate this treatment. The idea of being with a man who prioritizes women who actively seek to harm me over me is repulsive. It’s not just about their actions; it’s about their character, their lack of integrity, and their blatant disregard for my well-being.

The unsanitary aspects of these encounters are equally disturbing. The lack of hygiene, the casual disregard for personal boundaries—it all speaks to a deeper issue of disrespect and a complete absence of consideration for my health and safety. These aren’t isolated incidents; they’re part of a recurring pattern that has left me deeply disillusioned and wary.

Example of bi man that made a pass at me, claiming to be single and straight, but is actually downlow and in bed with a bi woman and bi man behind my back on purpose and all three downlow gays are planning to bully me relentlessly after their kinky sexual escapade

The men I’ve encountered are not simply emotionally abusive; many exhibit traits of sexual predation and sadism. Their behavior goes beyond casual cruelty; it's predatory and exploitative. The thought of being intimate with someone who treats women with such contempt is abhorrent. I’m not looking for sympathy; I’m looking for understanding and a recognition that the challenges I face are real and deeply impactful.

In my case, apologies are rarely offered, replaced by a continuous cycle of abuse and gaslighting. The lack of genuine remorse is a clear indicator of the manipulative nature of these relationships. 

Example of bi man that made a pass at me, claiming to be single and straight, but is actually downlow and in bed with a whole gay man behind my back on purpose and both downlow gays are planning to bully me relentlessly after their kinky sexual escapade

Ultimately, my choice to remain single isn't a reflection of loneliness or a lack of desire for companionship. It’s a conscious decision to prioritize my safety, my well-being, and my self-respect. It's a recognition that my worth is not determined by the validation of men who consistently choose to betray my trust and inflict serious harm. My strength lies in my independence, and my focus remains on building a life free from the sickening level of toxicity that I've experienced. This isn't a story of defeat; it's a story of resilience, and a testament to the strength of a black woman navigating a complex and often hostile world.