Confronting Body Dysmorphia: My Journey and Struggles

Me.
©2025. Thea Arnold. All rights reserved.

Body dysmorphia is a beast that I grapple with on a daily basis. It’s a condition that distorts the way I view myself and influences how I feel about my own body. Today, I find myself reflecting on the latest episode of East Coast Krime Netwerk, which resonated deeply with my own struggles. It reminded me that the narrative surrounding  your own body is often tangled and complicated, and there's more to it than the surface level.

Despite what people may perceive, I am not a transgender individual. Yet, the misconceptions surrounding my identity make living with body dysmorphia even more challenging. I constantly feel bombarded by societal expectations and cruel judgments. The truth is, people have a way of making me feel even more uncomfortable in my own skin. They project a twisted version of who I am, imposing on me details that don’t reflect my reality—like suggesting I wear nail polish when I don’t, or claiming my eye is pierced when it isn’t. 

This constant criticism leads to feelings of alienation and, at times, a sense of hopelessness. It’s exhausting when the perception of my body feels unnatural to me—thoughts piled upon feelings that become overwhelming, making it hard to enjoy anything, to embrace any part of life. Imagining the faces of my bullies as I wake each day fills me with dread; their comments are heinous, and their lack of compassion is heartless.

Me.
©2025. Thea Arnold. All rights reserved.

And then there's the silence. I find myself surrounded by new clothes, vibrant shoes, and beautiful wigs that could express so much about who I am, yet they lie untouched. The bullies have forced me into a corner, making me feel ugly and ashamed, stifling the joy I once found in self-expression. It's a constant battle, much like the anhedonia I experience—where joy feels just out of reach, dimmed by the shadows of my negative self-image.

In moments of despair, it feels like I am shouting into an abyss, desperately seeking answers to overcome this cycle of body dysmorphia. However, when the bullying comes from within the LGBTQ community—it hurts even more. I find myself wanting to distance myself from the entire world, due to homophobia.

I'm scared of being molested by sexual predators 

I often find myself living in fear due to the heavy presence of sexual predators in the community. As a single black heterosexual woman, the threat feels particularly acute, as these predators come in various forms, transcending different shapes, sizes, races, sexual orientations, and genders. The pervasive nature of this issue creates a constant sense of vulnerability that is difficult to shake off.

The most disturbing aspect of being victimized by a sexual predator is when they attempt to shift the blame onto me, portraying me as the aggressor. This manipulation is not only deeply offensive but also reflects a troubling and malevolent mindset.

Conclusion 

I don’t have all the answers, but I know I'm committed to fighting against the stigma and misconceptions surrounding body dysmorphia. It's about reclaiming my worth and confronting the narratives that strip away my confidence. 

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