Unshakeable Shadows: Living with the Trauma of Enduring Bullying

 

Bullies are not welcomed- image credit: Pexels 

The image is one I know too well. A grotesque, gloating grin filled with scorn and delight as they revel in their brutal act. A sinister smirk they flashed as they spouted vitriol, barbs carefully designed to sink deep into the heart. These haunting visuals continue to revisit me relentlessly for the past three years. They infest my daily life with a gruesome reminiscence, repeating over and over again in a tormenting loop of the trauma. Such was the horror of my experience with relentless bullying. A face that used to be a stranger now has turned into my vilest enemy. An entity forever imprinted in the back of my mind, a relentless force that transforms peaceful dreams into heart-wrenching nightmares. This person’s physical appearance, so clear in my memory, represents the darkness and hatred that spewed from their very existence. It’s not simply a face that I remember but a clear picture of all the abusive instances when their laughter sounded more like screams, their mocking voice etched into my mind like a bitter memory. I’ve attempted countless times to suppress the haunting memories, the cutting words, the sadistic delight. The deep-rooted torment of reliving every vicious moment. I have spent sleepless nights yearning for the peace that seemed so elusive. I've attempted various coping strategies, read hundreds of articles and books on overcoming trauma, had countless therapy sessions, yet every morning when I awake, the repugnant vision still greets me. Such is the sickening extent of the damage caused by their bullying. I have been pummelled with ruthless degradation, beaten down by constant criticisms, shamed into feeling worthless, helpless and weak. The feeling of vulnerability, of complete despair that loomed like an everlasting shadow has consumed me completely, deteriorating my overall wellbeing and personality. This bullying was not an ordinary struggle; it was severe, it was crushing, and it seemed never-ending. However, despite the endless struggles, there is a flicker of hope that propels me each day. A hope that fuels the relentless efforts to rise above this constant dread. My journey continues, learning to cope with the immense pressure the trauma bestows upon me and acquiring tools to overpower the consuming distress. Remember, nobody should have to live with such psychological torture, such excruciating pain inflicted by another person’s sick satisfaction. There's a dire need to collectively confront this silent plague that is causing a tormenting ordeal every day. To address the psychological aftermath of such abusive behaviour and most importantly, take steps to eliminate it at its core. Bullying is not simply child's play or ‘just a part of growing up’. It's severe, it's cruel and it's something that has to stop. In the midst of it all, I find strength and solace in the understanding that while I cannot change the past, I have the power over my present and future. With patience and time, I hope to once extinguish this face from my mind, because no matter how persistent this haunting figure may be, I am more determined, and I will keep fighting till the infestation in my mind ceases to exist. Until one day, I no longer wake up to the torment but to the prospect of a new dawn, free from their cruel influence.