Terror Firsthand #92: The Rough Outdoors

 ©Terror Firsthand is a fictional blog series that was created in 2024. It is for entertainment purposes only, and I wrote it from the top of my head. Photos are reenactments and dramatization. The following story is for mature audiences only. Please, do not try anything dangerous at home.

Warning: extreme terror, emotional trigger warning 

Terror Firsthand: The Rough Outdoors 

In Saint Louis 

As soon as I awakened the next morning, I fixed a cup of hot tea with sugar and went for a morning jog with Big C. I couldn't stop thinking about renting the condo for Daddy P. I started getting stressed out. I knew that I couldn't afford it. 

None of the strip clubs called me back for an interview. It's only been one day though. I would go there in person, but most of them were 2-5 hours away. I wouldn't drive that far unless I'm going on a fun vacation, or unless I know for sure that I'm going to make some money. I don't know that I'm going to make anything. The strip club audition could be a waste of time and money. I have to buy multiple wigs, dance wear, shoes, makeup, clothes, bags, and put gas in the car, and pay for a nice hotel. No one wants to tip a stripper that's living in their car. 

I screamed at the top of my lungs. I got tired of the pretend image of me being in a nice condo with Daddy P being planted into my head. It wasn't real. I needed to face reality. Later that afternoon, one of the strip clubs hit me back. They told me to come in tomorrow night on amateur night to audition at 8 pm. I didn't have anywhere for Big C to go and I didn't have money for any of the things I just mentioned, so I didn't go to the audition. 

I cut the TV on and started watching a podcast called The Devil's Universe. The host Dustin Moore, was speaking on the gay porn star, Enyoazz.

"Enyoazz, whose real name is Giovan Mendoza, has been acquitted of all HIV charges and the charges have been given to Chandler Jerome Brown. Chandler Jerome Brown had HIV first, not Giovan. Since Chan Da God has been in prison, people have been treating him poorly. It has been reported that he had to move into isolation because the gang members wouldn't stop beating him up. They didn't like his crimes, and his life was in extreme jeopardy. Today we have here with us Giovan Mendoza." Reported Dustin Moore. 

The Devil's Universe podcast - Dustin Moore (right)

"Hi Giovan, how does it feel to be in New York City?" Asked Dustin Moore.

"It feels great. It's feels glad to be home." Said Giovan. "I have my lovely lady here. Her name is Khadija Mendoza." 

"Nice to meet you." Said Khadija Mendoza. She had to be a dyke. There's no way a straight woman would want a gay porn star with HIV. 

"So how did you two meet and Giovan are you still doing gay porn?" Asked Dustin.

"We met through a mutual friend of ours. I don't know if you know him but he goes by the name of Phil O'Connor. He's from Brooklyn and no, I don't do porn anymore but I will always be remembered as a pornstar. I've only appeared in 4 films and they were all with Chan."  Said Enyoazz.

"Is that the Phil that runs the male strip club called The Downlow Hunks in Manhattan?" Asked Dustin.

"Yeah that's him." Said Enyoazz.

"So how did you meet your wife?" Asked Dustin Moore.

"She used to go in there to minister to the dancers and that's how she met Phil." Replied Enyoazz, with a blank stare.

"I see. Did you ever work there Enyoazz?" Inquired Dustin.

"Yeah I worked there alot. I ran into my wife Khadija while she was in there ministering and passing out condoms, and Phil hooked us up for good! I'm surprised she even chose me. I was so out there." Said Enyoazz, while looking at his wife and kissing her on the lips.

Khadija and Giovan "Enyoazz" Mendoza on The Devil's Universe podcast 

"I know my husband didn't spread anything. I know it was Chan Da God." Snitched Khadija. "I hope they kick his ass everyday until he die." 

"Giovan, how is your kid?" Asked Dustin.

"He's great, he just started a new record label called Nasty Boyz Records, with him and Mr. Nutenya's son and Onyoface's son. They just put out a single called "Girl U Trife" Answered Enyoazz.

"And how old is he now?" Asked Dustin.

"He's 18." Replied Enyoazz.

"Ok I see. I heard that Girl U Trife song and it's pretty dope. I can see those kids climbing up the charts soon." Said Dustin. "My kids just had a birthday party and all of them wanted to hear Girl U Trife. It was litty for them!" 

"I'm glad I could help!" Replied Enyoazz while laughing. 

"So what do you do now instead of gay porn?" Asked Dustin Moore.

"I work at an internet provider company and my wife Khadija works as a social worker to help victims of emotional incest from age birth to 40. She started a non profit called Holy River Ministries" Said Enyoazz. "We don't want anymore innocent children to commit suicide behind f*ggots like Chan." He continued.

"So what do y'all do at Holy River Ministries Khadija?" Asked Dustin Moore.

"We counsel the victims of emotional incest, we give them food, clothes, necessities, and we also have a homeless shelter for them to go to. When the shelter is full, we find another place for them to go. We help them find jobs and we help them get back on their feet so that they can become independent people. We are trying to prevent more and more cases of suicide. Our program has been proven to work. Victims who enter Holy River Ministries program is less likely to kill themselves. Since we started the program last year, the suicide rate in Atlanta has already dropped by 5 percent. Next year, we hope it drops by at least 20 percent." Stated Khadija Mendoza.

"Where is the program located? Is it in New York City?" Asked Dustin Moore.

"Our program is in Atlanta Georgia." Said Khadija. 

"If anyone is in need of Holy River Ministries feel free to call Khadija Mendoza right now. The number is that the bottom of the screen." Said Dustin Moore.

Enyoazz was a whole f*cking square and a boring one at that. Anyways, I picked up the phone and called Holy River Ministries.

On the phone with Holy River Ministries 

"Hello, my name is Oya and I'm looking for help." I said, with shame.

"Hi, Oya. Do you have time to do an intake now?" Asked Khadija Mendoza.

"Yes, I do." I replied.

"So what is the problem?" Asked Khadija. "Have you been violated by someone?" 

"Yes I have." I replied. "I have an emotional support animal too."

"Okay. Well unfortunately, we don't take animals here at Holy River Ministries, but I can give you some numbers to some places that might. Are you in the Atlanta metro area?" Asked Khadija.

"No I'm in Saint Louis Missouri and there's about to be a tornado warning so I really need shelter. Can y'all pay for me to stay in a hotel in Atlanta? I'm trying to get my life together and I don't have anywhere else to stay." I asked.

"Well, you would have to call these other numbers because we don't pay for hotels here at Holy River Ministries. Why don't you call 211? They should be able to find you some shelter closer to where you are." Said Khadija.

"Okay. I'll take the other numbers." I said, frustrated and ready to hang up.

"Ok the first one is Baptist Charities. Their number is 404-000-0000. The second one is Hope 4 Gays. Their number is 404-555-5555. The third one is Endless Hope Ministries. Their number is 404-000-5555. The fourth one is New Horizons Women's Shelter. Their number is 4...." Said Kadijda Mendoza. 

On phone looking for place to go

I hung up before she could even finish. I was tired of hearing her voice. I was tired of going through the same thing! I called two numbers on the list. I didn't call Hope 4 Gays. I figured I wouldn't need them at all, because of the name of the place. Baptist Charities told me to come in on Mondays and Wednesdays from 6 am to 8 am. I was told that their beds were on a first come, first served basis. Then I called Endless Hope Ministries. They said that I could come in on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8 am- 1 pm for an intake. 

Those types of programs weren't a good fit for my situation. I needed a hotel room or a luxury apartment - not a bunk in a room with a bunch of junkies and bums. I might as well be in jail because that's what living like that feels like. I didn't want to drive all the way to Atlanta just to live like a basic bum, so I just packed up my things and drove to a $5 campground in Dayton, Virginia. 

As I was unpacking my things, I spotted a black bear wandering around the campsite. I didn't pay it any mind. I set up my gear and then drank some ice cold sparkling lemonade. I started looking online for a job, but I couldn't find one that would provide enough money for a condo. I started crying. I knew that I would be outdoors forever. I was just too battered, dehumanized, and victimized to live somewhere nice. 

I searched online for another program. I found one called A Brand New Start. It was located in Lynchburg Virginia. I did an intake with a woman named Lisa Hines. 

On the phone with A Brand New Start 

"You and your dog can come into the shelter today. You are not to leave the shelter for any reason after 10 pm. 10 pm is curfew and 11pm is lights out. You must be up at 8 am every morning for prayer and breakfast. Then we will have group at 12 noon and lunch at 1pm. If you are unemployed, you must attend all prayer meetings and groups. At 6:30 pm we have dinner and at 8 pm we have group, and at 9 pm we have prayer again. How do you identify? Are you a man, woman, or non binary?" Asked Lisa Hines.

"I'm a cisgender female. Who will I be sharing a room with? Is it men or women?" I asked.

"Well right now, you will be sharing a room with Mildred, and Brittany. They are transgender women. This is an all women's shelter." Said Lisa Hines. 

"Can I have a room to myself? I have PTSD and I can't be in the room with anyone else." I asked.

"I'm sorry but we have at least three people to each room. I can try to see if you can stay with Anna and Jessica. They are both cis women, if that will make you more comfortable. Both of them are really sweet. You'll get along with them very well." Said Lisa.

"No. That will not make me more comfortable. Can y'all just pay for my hotel?" I asked. I went on their website and saw a picture of the inside of the shelter. It looked horrifying.

Image of A Brand New Start shelter in Lynchburg Virginia 

"We don't pay for hotels here at A Brand New Start. I'm sorry. So you don't need our help?" Asked Lisa.

"No I don't. Thank you anyway." I replied, and hung up the phone.